A friend of mine, dealing with the impending death of her mother, just wrote this quote by John Lennon on Facebook, which stirred some thinking in me…
I imagine many grieving people, depending on where they are in their journey, might not agree. You see, this is where semantic meaning creation starts.
- What is the meaning of ‘end’?
- Where does the ‘end’ start, where does it end?
- What is ‘okay’ and what should/could/will it feel like?
Grief is a compound, intense, exhausting experience. It’s more than understandable that we want to avoid it, shortcut it, make it go away. Shock and numbness, in my view, are ways of the system to give you a little less than the full gamut to deal with. Avoiding might be the best way to deal with it in a given moment.
3 years on from my daughters death I find myself more and more often in an ‘okay place’. I am no longer avoiding any emotions in relation to her death. Having said this, I’m totally aware that life is happening and life is this human experience that sometimes sucks and sometimes is beautiful beyond expression. I have also found my place in creating my meanings and I don’t have them to always be ‘happy ever after’.