Month: July 2013

Frustration and Anger

Will the Circle of Grief ever be completed?

Will the Circle of Grief ever be completed?

Part of my grief has been a HUGE dose of frustration, anger… and, according to my husband I’m grumpy a lot. And I still hear his words: “you weren’t like that before”. Indeed, I wasn’t like THAT before: a mother mourning on child that she has just given birth to and mourning a mother who didn’t want the chance to ‘grand-mother’ her grand-child. Guess what? I am grumpy a lot. Guess what else? I will NEVER be that person I was before EVER AGAIN. Unfortunately.

I recently went visiting my friend who’s father passed away a year ago. Even though we were sitting in a beautiful serene landscape surrounded by forest, beautiful farmland and the sound of horses, my friend’s mother (who had lost her husband) seemed annoyed and grumpy at a lot of things. I asked my friend, whether her mother always was/is like that and – not to my surprise – I was told: ‘She’s like that since her husband died.’

So I’ve been wondering about the ‘frustration’ stage in grief and whether it is a long term condition for certain grievers. Luckily there is (more…)

Tomorrow Is the 3rd


22 months ago I had identical twin girls.

22 months ago I was a proud and fearful mother.

22 months ago I didn’t know that tomorrow I would hold my younger daughter in my arms as she passed away.

Tomorrow is the 3rd.

When I was taking a shower this morning I was thinking about the 3rd again. Every months on the 1st I celebrate my older daughter’s age, 22 months yesterday. Then I have a day’s break and then it’s the 3rd, where I honour my younger’s daughter’s passing. (more…)