miscarriage

This Is Just Mine

Little bits of me...

Little bits of me…

Today, while folding laundry, I was thinking of the things I think and feel, that rarely get mentioned, even with those closest in my life. Some of those things are ‘just mine’ and I am ok with not sharing them with the world. Some of those ‘just mine’ things might be due to the pain they cause, others might be embarrassing and others are just my personal ‘whatever’.
I have however also been reminded that there are those ‘just mine’ things that any other person keeps to themselves. We really don’t even know our closest person ever that well to know it all.

It reminded me to be compassionate with the ‘oh-so-stressed’ people running through the streets of Zurich, I really don’t know the reason, they are or seemed stressed.
It reminded me to be forgiving with the people in our little village who do not say ‘Thank you’ when I let them pass in the narrow section between parked cars and the post office.
It reminded me to be accepting of not understanding people’s unusual reactions and words.

It ALSO reminded me to feel really glad when the workmen on the street in front of our house while making incredible noise since 2 months also move out of the way and smile at me when I pass by with Ananda Mae.
It ALSO reminded me to be happy that when walking with Ananda Mae people start to smile and talk, at least to her and sometimes to me.
It ALSO reminded me to feel grateful and appreciative for those day-to-day things like the warm autumn sunlight shining through the beautiful coloured autumn leaves.

So what is it, that you carry around that is just yours? 

Here are some of mine:

  • The subtle pain I feel when seeing identical twins running and playing with each other. (We seem to have a lot of these in our neighbourhood…)
  • The sadness when hearing pregnant women say ‘oh I didn’t even want to get pregnant so fast after my first one’ remembering that, if not for this 2nd miscarriage, I would be delivering a baby soon
  • The disappointment of not having Ananda Mae grow up with a sibling

Just 3 for today. Giving those 3 ‘just mine’ the freedom of disclosure. Feeling vulnerable. Being more real. Part of the ‘new normal’ me.

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Who’s Counting?

~ This is my Hope ~

~ This is my Hope ~

I have experienced my child passing away in my arms… 21 months and 6 days ago.

I have experienced my mother’s dispair and her finally leaving life… 17 months ago minus 10 days.

I have experienced 2 miscarriages… the last one just 7 weeks ago.

(And I still notice some challenge in writing words like dying, committed suicide… even though I have become friendly with death.)

Recently I’ve been reading about ‘ranking grief’ and been thinking about what happens for me. Each of those death bear significant grief for very different reasons. The common theme is MEANING, different meaning for the different stories.

So who is counting? Who is counted?

According to family constellation, every being counts fro the moment of conception. So when I recently took part in a family constellation workshop and was asked: ‘How many children do you have?’ the answer was 4. (more…)

I Need Your Help!

~~~ honoring ~~~

~~~ honoring ~~~

In honor of ❤ Amya Mirica Hope ❤ Please read on…
Remember Return To Zero – the film I’m passionate about because it is addressing the taboo of stillbirth, child loss, miscarriage… This film is a touching contribution to help lift this taboo. Please, do this worthwhile cause a favor and MAKE A PLEDGE to go and see the film on an opening weekend in a city near you.
It’s easy to do, simply by filling out this form: http://bit.ly/16H3uNz
No sign up or cost!
As your local leader, please do me a favor to add my name – my aim is to collect at least 100 local pledges, not because I get anything for it, but because, as you know, the topic of neonatal death is very close to my ❤

If you like more information on Return to Zero click here to watch the video in regards to their aim or view their website here.