Does It Stay Present?

Our family of 4

Our family of 4

Just yesterday I was asked: “Does it stay present?” in response to me saying: “As you know, Ananda Mae’s twin sister passed away 3 days after birth.”

I admire this person, who I met briefly before but yesterday for the first time we sat down and had a longer chat. Congratulations for asking (the) question. I’m so glad some people dare to go to places where others stay away from.

It was interesting to ponder the answer, to think about how it is now, two and a half years later. My answer was: “It fades, the memory of her death fades.” Not the knowing of her as my daughter, as Ananda Mae’s twin sister but the painful memories fade.

I continued thinking about this long after he left. An interesting topic. “Time will heal all wounds” – a classic cliché often given to those who grieve, totally useless and stinging when said at the time of biggest pain.

And yet, time has its way.
With time we change the meaning we give things – if and when we are ready to change them.
Time changes memory, certain memory. Every time we look at them in the movie theatre of our mind they change a little bit.

So: Does it stay present? Yes and no. The fact of missing my daughter stays present, sometimes more, sometimes less. The fact of having two daughters stays present. The pain of grief fades.

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