Conscious Grieving

a beautiful woman with grey hair

You will never be forgotten

Today is the second anniversary of my mother’s suicide. I spent the day very consciously aware of this day 2 years ago and what must have happened for my mother to take that step. We will never know the intrinsic details. 

In the days leading up I had been asked multiple times, how I was feeling leading up to today. Checking in again and again I am “in a good place with my mother’s decision”. It also means I miss her presence and especially her presence in Ananda Mae’s life, which she would have loved to take as a proud grandmother.

I spoke to all of my closest family members and checked in on how they were going. Not surprisingly to me, I was the one asking… I had some interesting conversations and made some revelations, I had not known before.

This is what I call “Conscious Grieving” – being mindful and attentive to what would reveal itself. I find it interesting to see the development that has occurred within the last year. Looking back over posts written in 2013 one call tell… what sometimes goes unnoticed on the dark walk through grief land.

I wonder what this 19 January will look and feel like in years to come… one thing is sure: You will never be forgotten!



  1. Dear Nathalie,
    this is the month for me too, when my little one passed away 28 years ago. The leading up is not so conscious any more, but then on the day when I sit in nature on a bench under a tree, it comes. Out of a sudden it is back the missing and longing, to know who she would have been, what she would have chosen in her life, would she have a partner, seeing her getting married, maybe children. I am blessed with 2 beautiful young adult children, but there is always someone missing. Her Birthday would have been in 2 weeks time, she would have been 29 and her name is Hannah. And she too will never be forgotten ❤
    Thank you beautiful Nathalie for creating this space to share and listen to your journey.

    Love and Blessings to you and your two Angels
    Martina XX

    1. Dear Martina,
      Thank you SO MUCH for your comment and your openness to share about Hannah. It’s so beautiful to know her name. It’s touching to know a little bit about her story, about your life…
      I would love to find out whether you would be willing to be interviewed for the Book “Grieving Parents – Surviving Loss as a Couple” to give us some perspective of time in regards to grieving the loss of a child?
      All love,

  2. Dear Nathalie,

    I am finding your blog helpful at this time. My best friends brother took his life last week and I am so grateful to refer to your blog for support. ❤

    with love, Roslyn. x

    1. Dear Roslyn,

      I’m very sorry to hear about your best friend’s brother death. Death, and suicide in specific, has an enormous impact on the surrounding social circle… Take care and please know, I’m here, just a phone call away. And I do mean that ❤
      All Love, Nathalie

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