Not possible. Some say. Others experience it.
I had first hand experience of being happy AND grieving at the same time from day 1 of my grieving journey.
Ananda Mae, my older twin was with me and I was learning to be a new mum.
Amya Mirica, my younger twin had passed away in my arms and I was learning to a be a bereaved mum. The reality was that both experiences of joy and melancholy, laughter and tears, happiness and sadness lived side by side. Adoring a baby, feeling the immensity of love at the very same time at falling into the abyss of sadness over her identical twin sister never growing up together, holding hands and giggling together. If you cannot imagine this, here is what it looks like.
I do not believe that is BECAUSE I had twins. I believe this is because the apparently opposite emotional states live on different sides of the same coin => life.
Many grieving parents have written about ‘feeling guilty’ of their laughter or wondering “how I can I ever be happy knowing that my child has died?”
Can you? Should you? Must you? Do you WANT to? Would you child want you to be happy again?
The post of WordPress’ Daily Prompts has reminded me to write what I had in my mind for some time: What does happiness post loss look like to you?
This is why I’m writing. Not just this and other blogs, but also the book:
GRIEVING PARENTS – Surviving Loss As A Couple
This book is not a memoir about my loss. It is neither a book written from the perspective of a therapist having worked with countless clients experiencing loss. There are plenty of books out there, if you are looking for one of those.
This book is focusing on the effect parental bereavement has on the parents and their relationship. It is about surviving loss as a couple and the remerging of grief into a life of joy and melancholy, laughter and tears, happiness and sadness. Not either or but AND.
Great resources to find happiness again: