22 months ago I had identical twin girls.
22 months ago I was a proud and fearful mother.
22 months ago I didn’t know that tomorrow I would hold my younger daughter in my arms as she passed away.
Tomorrow is the 3rd.
When I was taking a shower this morning I was thinking about the 3rd again. Every months on the 1st I celebrate my older daughter’s age, 22 months yesterday. Then I have a day’s break and then it’s the 3rd, where I honour my younger’s daughter’s passing.
22 months have passed and most months I am honouring this day by myself, in my own way. I have stopped posting about it on Facebook, I have stopped mentioning it to others. I have found a place nearby where we live now to honour her spirit. It’s not ‘Hope’s Place’ but it’s a place of hope.
I have decided to put my writing into a book: Responding to Grief. My passion to write has given me tremendous relief, outlet, ways to express the un-explainable, the not-spoken-about. Grief.
In a recent conversation I heard myself say: I have been given Hope and my intent is to give Hope to the people. I want to somehow find a way to convey the path from shock to dispair to pain to hope back to meaningless-ness… and to new meaning. It’s a personal journey. I’m still on it. I expect to always be on it.
Grief is a universal experience. Everyone has, is or will experience it. It’s in your past, in your present and in your future.
Lately I have been repeating a new mantra: ‘This has all meaning’. One day I might see, feel, experience it.