Christmas Without

~ X Mas at the Valley ~

~ X Mas at the Valley ~

Last year we all celebrated together: My parents came to visit and met their latest grand-daughter for the first time and they found out more about the grand-daughter who passed away on day 3.

This year it’s different.

Without Amya

Ananda Mae is showered with attention and presents. She’s now aware enough to open her presents with glee. Yesterday I shared with the family that instead of sending out Christmas cards we donate money to charity, the volunteer organization called Heartfelt. They took many beautiful the photos of Amya, while she was still alive and when she passed.

As I was talking about it, I suddenly realized that all the attention we give to Ananda Mae she will never experience. It saddens me. I know I’m thinking of her every day and still she’s not here to enjoy the human experience with us.

Without Mum

My Dad is here with his new ‘partner’. Where I was used to have my Mum for the whole of my life there is now someone else. My Dad is happy. I’m happy for my Dad. And still, it’s not my Mum.

A couple of days ago I said to him: A year ago we were at the Hunter Valley all together. He responded that it’s strange and that what he’s experiencing now he would have loved to experience with Mum. The reality is that it’s too late.

People ask me: How do you feel with Dad having another girl-friend? I’m happy for him to experience happiness and I do appreciate the choice he made. I like her but I do miss Mum and I’m sad that he wasn’t able to make the changes he’s now making with Mum. I’m sorry that such a tragedy was necessary for him to realize certain things.

Family systems change.

Change happens instantly but the heart and soul needs time to adjust and that time varies.

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