‘How many children do you have?’
When is what the right answer?
I’ve been asked again today by a woman I just met. I said ‘one’ which is not the full truth. Sometimes the full truth requires to much of the story, which I might not be willing to share at this moment and this was one of the moments.
It is however that I get myself into knots. Today, as I said ‘one’, her daughter-in-law was standing next to her who knew that I had twins and one died. This in itself wasn’t the knot, I was fine to have told one but not the other until the conversation went further. One question lead to another and suddenly again I was confronted with a question that would have led to digging my hole even deeper. So then I had to retrace my steps: ‘Actually I had twins and one died…’ Not always a great way to start a new acquaintance.
Nowadays I don’t have the need to share the full truth with everyone at all times. After Amya passed away, I needed to tell people. I wanted her to be affirmed. I wanted to talk about her and not just about the obvious little cute baby in my arms.
I do not consider myself lying when I speak the ‘half-truth’ and still I feel uncomfortable. On the other hand I feel strange letting people in on what was the toughest situation of my life, if I don’t even know them that well.
Often I come away from a conversation thinking to myself ‘why did I tell this person?’ I’m often surprised at where the conversations lead and what’s revealed as a consequence of my sharing. No coincidences…
Contrary to what you might think as you read this blog, I’m a rather private person and not very keen to share my private life. The situation of our twin story however revealed a totally different experience of myself where I had no choice but to share. I didn’t and still do not fully understand how this happened but it did and I trust that it’s come that way for some good reason.
So for today I have two children. One sleeping in her bed and one watching over her from heaven.