Breaking the Silence

~ Hope’s Celebration ~

Today a year ago we celebrated Amya Mirica’s far too short life. I remember the fullness of those moments meeting so many friends who attended the celebration, people who cared enough to make the trip to be with us that Sunday, a year ago. It was almost unbelievable to me that this ‘story’ of our twin sisters, this little person, Hope… could draw the attention of so many people, who hadn’t even met her in person.

I was ‘in space’ hugging one person after another, meeting their eyes, their sadness, their stories of loss, their sadness for our loss. The time went to fast and I wished I had many more hours to fully embrace the hugeness of this moment in time which we prepared so lovingly with the help of our closest friends, with the help of people coming to be with us from places as far as Switzerland, New Zealand, Melbourne, Queensland, Byron Bay…

I’m so grateful that Mark, Ananda Mae and Amya Mirica’s godfather, offered to make  film of the celebration which I will watch again today.
I’m so grateful that Ayana, my niece and also the girls’ godmother who came from Switzerland to be with us and graced us with her voice. She sang many songs in favor of her cousin.
I’m so grateful to all the people helping us to be able to ‘carry on’ with life in what was the most challenging situation to deal with in my life – you know, that I mean you too.
I’m so grateful to you, you is taking time reading this, you have probably read other posts of mine before and you have encouraged me to continue sharing.

Yesterday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (officially declared in 1988 by President Reagan). I remember, like every day, my daughter Amya Mirica Hope Young and all the other babies lost every second of every day ♥

I was wondering whether ‘breaking the silence’ applies to me as I have mostly been able to talk about my loss. I realized though that I had/have not fully shared in regards to my recent loss of an early pregnancy. I fear the judgement and opinions, the reaction and I guess so do others, which on the other hand does not help people get used to appropriate reactions and responses to this kind of loss.

It is true: people, including myself, do not know what to say so they either say something to fill the uncomfortable empty space, something which is often inappropriate or nothing at all. Yet, there are other options than those three. The simplest is ‘I’m so sorry for your loss.’ Even if time had passed, a mother will always miss her baby, her child that she wasn’t able to mother.

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4 comments

  1. Thank you (again) for sharing Nathalie. I was just talking to people recently about the miscarriage I once experienced, and the grief I felt at the time and since, in spite of having booked in for a termination, and also didn’t allow myself to feel until much later, because I’d been booked in for a termination.

    I’ve since had terminations, and having done work on these, I am surprised to note that I more ok talking about them (and my thoughts around them) now that I am expecting a baby. I have shared more about miscarriage and termination and the grief as well as the relief experienced as a result, since deciding to have a baby, and it feels very liberating to share my experiences on all three experiences.

    A friend supported another friend last week through a termination, and my own response (again, I was surprised to note) was one of complete comfort and support (not that it was any of my business).

    Thank you for opening and sharing, and for encouraging this in others through your own freedom.

    1. Thank you Jeanette,
      poignant words regarding miscarriage and termination – as you say, they all do emotionally affect us, sooner or later, one way or another, at least in my experience of myself and in my work with clients.
      Thank you for your openness and your sharing.
      🙂
      Enjoy your pregnancy x
      All Love, Nathalie

  2. That’s so beautiful Nathalie … I remember the day well and it was such an honour to be there in those sweet sweet moments … it is so natural to feel what you are feeling also about your recent loss …. Keep speaking …. it gives other women permission to open up and speak about theirs. I remember a book called ‘Unspeakable Losses’ about this very issue … the heading is so appropriate but by speaking you educate. Much love for your continuing journey of mother and woman. Janet

    1. Thank you Janet for your comment.
      I am continuously becoming aware of the effect of my sharing, even though it was not intended to ‘educate’ as such, it came out of ‘choiceless choice of sharing’, which, as you know, is not even really very ‘me-like’.
      All Love, Nathalie

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