Today a year ago we celebrated Amya Mirica’s far too short life. I remember the fullness of those moments meeting so many friends who attended the celebration, people who cared enough to make the trip to be with us that Sunday, a year ago. It was almost unbelievable to me that this ‘story’ of our twin sisters, this little person, Hope… could draw the attention of so many people, who hadn’t even met her in person.
I was ‘in space’ hugging one person after another, meeting their eyes, their sadness, their stories of loss, their sadness for our loss. The time went to fast and I wished I had many more hours to fully embrace the hugeness of this moment in time which we prepared so lovingly with the help of our closest friends, with the help of people coming to be with us from places as far as Switzerland, New Zealand, Melbourne, Queensland, Byron Bay…
I’m so grateful that Mark, Ananda Mae and Amya Mirica’s godfather, offered to make film of the celebration which I will watch again today.
I’m so grateful that Ayana, my niece and also the girls’ godmother who came from Switzerland to be with us and graced us with her voice. She sang many songs in favor of her cousin.
I’m so grateful to all the people helping us to be able to ‘carry on’ with life in what was the most challenging situation to deal with in my life – you know, that I mean you too.
I’m so grateful to you, you is taking time reading this, you have probably read other posts of mine before and you have encouraged me to continue sharing.
Yesterday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (officially declared in 1988 by President Reagan). I remember, like every day, my daughter Amya Mirica Hope Young and all the other babies lost every second of every day ♥
I was wondering whether ‘breaking the silence’ applies to me as I have mostly been able to talk about my loss. I realized though that I had/have not fully shared in regards to my recent loss of an early pregnancy. I fear the judgement and opinions, the reaction and I guess so do others, which on the other hand does not help people get used to appropriate reactions and responses to this kind of loss.
It is true: people, including myself, do not know what to say so they either say something to fill the uncomfortable empty space, something which is often inappropriate or nothing at all. Yet, there are other options than those three. The simplest is ‘I’m so sorry for your loss.’ Even if time had passed, a mother will always miss her baby, her child that she wasn’t able to mother.