Grief is present when it comes up. Whether that is by seeing my child playing and wondering how it would be having her sister with her or whether someone mentions something that allows grief to rise. As mentioned previously 1 in 4 has lost a baby, either during pregnancy, neonatal death or maybe through SIDS. Grieving parents, whether they do it openly or behind closed doors, are everywhere.
I have lost one girl as a baby (neonatal death) and had one miscarriage. When the miscarriage happened I didn’t really notice much. Yes, I was disappointed but I think I didn’t really have time to stay with the facets of grief, ‘moved’ on with my oversea’s move preparations. Today, a friend of mine mentioned that she’s pregnant and, given our similar stories, I remembered and was transported back to that time. I am very happy for her and her pregnancy and I am also sad and disappointed that I am not. This does not mean that I don’t want to know about my friends’ joyful news but I will have emotional responses and they will differ from moment to moment.
Tonight, when I was dismantling the boxes from the move, I felt anger (one of the stages of grief) rising and directed the energy at the removal of the sticky tape on the boxes. I remembered being ‘stuck’ in the anger stage for weeks after my mother’s suicide and ending up being totally exhausted from it. Even though it eventually stopped, I notice even now that sometimes the anger comes up and even though there might be sufficient reason in the outside world, where I could justify and project my frustration, I know that deep inside it actually is my continuous process of the letting go. Some more details here…
I cannot speak for other bereaved mothers, but for me I can tell you that I am willing to meet whatever my emotional response will be while respectfully meeting my needs of space or silence.