Some of my friends, family members, clients who are or have been experiencing grief will all have heard or thought themselves ‘when will I be over this?’
When does grief stop?
When are you over this?
I have experienced multiple losses in the past year, one being my daughter and one being my mum (she lost her life through suicide). I’ve not mentioned other forms of loss, like ‘loss’ of
- friends and home (through moving overseas),
- loss of identity and role (my job through becoming a mother),
- loss of health (due to the after-effects of being pregnant and giving birth),
- loss of sense of self (through attaining a new role, i.e. grieving mother, grieving daughter).
My experience (of losing close people in my life) has been that I do not expect myself to ever ‘be over this’ and I do tell people. In the past grief experts talked about ‘a year’ being the phase it took ‘to get through it’. Nowadays they say it takes 5 years to integrate the experience of loss into our being.
Obviously there are different sort of grieving processes, depending on the relationship with the person, the kind of death, including the lead-up time, and the personal way of dealing with the loss. All of this makes every grieving experience unique and not comparable.